Dating sober person
" exclaims Rachel, 21."I married a sober person and it's perfect since forever.
I don't mean just for a few weeks, but it never works out. I've gotten a far as a few months, and while I'm proud of that achievement, I can't be too proud, because I still drink, and I still love it.I need to put myself first for this one," says Kim, 30.Being sober and dating as a 20-something is real weird.So my question to you is, can I show up to the date at a bar and tell them THEN and just sip a water while they have a beer? Some of my favorite women — famous and in real life — are drinkers, which is part of why it meant so much to me to be one of them. They become more reliable friends, better listeners, kinder and more forgiving people. They just saved you time and effort by telling you exactly who they are, which is someone who has no interest if sex is not on the table immediately, which is a small-minded, douchebag way to be.I feel like most guys don’t want to drink in front of a sober person, makes them feel predatorial like “c’mon, I can’t drink alone! When I gave up drinking, I thought it meant that I became the opposite. Or maybe these hypothetical bar-only men are not douchebags. They don’t drink because of medical diagnoses, they don’t drink because they don’t like it, they don’t drink for religious reasons, or because they come from a country where pouring golden liquid down your throat until you puke is seen as not that awesome of a thing to do.I try not to judge, but I have to deal with reality as it is, so it gets frustrating when the other person can drink their problems away.
I really am not interested in having someone who does that in my life. I can’t expect everyone to live the same values that I do.
I have some wine around for cooking, but it has taken me a long time to get to that point.
What makes me really uncomfortable is when people who know about it bring over bottles of wine or liquor when they come over for an evening." says Tanya, 34."My husband and I are both sober; before we met each other, we hadn't dated anyone else who was sober.
But a guy broke up with me once because I had stopped drinking, I lost friends when I stopped drinking, and it made me sad, because I'm way more fun now than I was when I was drunk," says Randi, 35."I've worked extremely hard at my sobriety. But since I know I have a problem, I know that dating someone who drinks would be an issue.
If they occasionally had a glass of wine with dinner, that would be OK, but more than that, I just couldn't do it.
” so I’ve been telling men before the date that I don’t drink and suggest coffee or food and they seem completely put out and often times cancel on me, because to them, I’m just a coffee date, I’m not a real date aka they won’t get laid on a coffee date. I’m leaning towards not saying anything and when they undoubtedly offer to meet for drinks I just show up and order a water and hope they don’t mind drinking alone. But before I respond to your questions, I need to assure you: You are not undateable. Eventually, though, I needed to push myself out there again, and as if the dating world weren’t cruel and torturous enough, I had become a tainted woman — a woman who doesn’t drink. Maybe they’re just heavy drinkers like I used to be, who struggle with shyness and insecurity and have passionate feelings about artisanal brews and can’t even conceive of being close to a person without a drink in their hands. I liked the drama of having men around, even questionable ones, because it made me feel desirable and exciting. Many people are comfortable not drinking — they can take it or leave it.